she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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