last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
