And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
