I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
