i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
