I love black thongs
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
