Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
