Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
