I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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