Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
