girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My dad just said "fuck circus"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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