a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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