SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
