I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
