im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
