Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
