Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
