awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
