my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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