my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
