so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
