o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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