I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
