Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
