it wasn't lemon gatorade
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it glows. i had to have it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
