There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
