After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
