I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
