I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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