So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
