You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
