Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
