I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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