Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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