Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
