she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
