i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
