whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
