Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
