Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
