Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
