Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
