so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
