So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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