I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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