yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
