I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
