Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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