Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She said her name was "party"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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