I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
