discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Acid is not a monday night drug
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
